Hello from The Hamptons!
It is weird to write that — I don’t want to give you the impression that I am a “Hamptons person,” with all the baggage that that label entails. The truth is this is only my third time in The Hamptons ever; the first being a Valentine’s Day drive to Montauk just because, the second being a one week vacation rental with family (the house was… not great, though the pool was nice), and now I’m out here in my sister’s friend’s house with my family, because my sister’s friend surmised that Thanksgiving might be hard for my family this year, what with my dad having died and all, and so here we are, in The Hamptons, where I am writing to you on the day before Thanksgiving.
Which is, you may have surmised, the theme of this newsletter. What is Thanksgiving to a bisexual, etc and so forth. I feel like I’m supposed to write something about how grateful I am to be bisexual — about how cool it is that I “get to” touch a variety of different genitals and connect romantically with people of a variety of genders. You know, the standard It’s Great To Be Bi™️ spiel.
Except that always feels sort of hollow to me, in addition to the fact that it, uh, kind of misses the point of it all. Having sex and romance with a range of people from a range of genders only feels good to bisexuals because we are bisexual; straight and gay people can, of course, pursue the same sexual and romantic adventures as we do, but it won’t be fulfilling because they are, you know, not bi. “I love being bisexual because I’m bisexual” feels like a bit of a facile statement, no?
And then there is, of course, the fact that being bisexual doesn’t inherently mean any of this. Not all bisexuals have exciting sexual adventures with people from a range of genders because not all bisexuals want those kinds of adventures — not all bi people want multiple sexual partners, or even any sex partners at all. To be attracted to multiple genders is not the same as wanting to get wild and crazy with all of them. In our quest for bisexual gratitude, let us not erase or shame the bisexual prudes.
Which is not to say I have no gratitude at all. For all the frustrations that come with it, I must admit that there is a part of me that is at least a little grateful for the way that being bisexual bestows this status of permanent outsider upon me, the way I am able to observe both the straights and the gays from within yet also at a remove. I am grateful for the way that being bisexual means I am perpetually aware that another way is possible — that I am simply not locked into a sense of How Things Work™️ the way that many monosexuals seem to be.
And, of course, I am grateful for you, for the fact that you read this newsletter, for the fact that you give a shit about what I have to say. I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to help other bisexuals feel a little less alone. That might be the most magical thing of all.
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