On “icons.”

I have this joke about queer icons: the easiest way to become one is by being a straight woman who thinks gays are kind of neat!

I kid, I kid. I mean, not really, though. How many Pride parades have been grand marshaled by straight women, you know? Quite a few! It sometimes feels like it’s easier to feel at home, to feel comfortable, in LGBTQ Pride environments as a straight ally than as a bisexual (which is maybe why so many bisexuals in het relationships adopt the ally label).

But I don’t actually want to talk about straight ladies at Pride, that’s not really what this newsletter is about today. I’m thinking about a different kind of icon — the biicon.

See, look: I know that “bicon” is a very fun portmanteau, but I sometimes think we are a little too fast and loose with it. It often feels like the only thing one needs to do to be “biconic” is to be be famous and openly bisexual, and that… causes some problems.

Fundamentally: the mere act of being an out bisexual does not lend one any actual expertise or thought leadership with regards to being bi. You’re an expert on your own bisexuality, certainly, but that and $2.75 will get you a ride on the NYC subway. You may be iconic for other reasons (although oftentimes, not even!) but simply being a known person with a penchant for attraction that’s not bound by the rules monosexuality is … it’s a low bar.

(See also: my frustration with the tendency to get super excited over the merest hint of “bi representation” in media. We deserve better than Bob Belcher vaguely referencing an attraction to men or Loki saying he’s dated men in a blink and you’ll miss it throwaway line!)

I should put my cards on the table here and note that I’m already pretty uncomfortable with the very idea of “icons” — of elevating individual people above the crowd — especially when it comes to something as personal, as individual, as sexuality. But if we must have bi icons (because, yes, bicon is really fun to say) could we maybe reserve that status for, say, movement leaders who’ve actually done work to organize bisexual activists and work for bi freedom, safety, and wellbeing? Could we reserve icon (bicon) status for people who’ve, you know, done the work rather than simply just been famous and bi?

That said: I am very grateful that no one tries to give straight ladies who think bisexuals are neat! the bicon status. At least we got that going for us.