If lying about being bisexual were all it took to be cool, everyone would be doing it

So I’m still thinking about the latest Gallup report on American queer identity, and specifically the repeatedly cited stat that nearly 30% of Gen Z women identify as some kind of queer — and over 20% of Gen Z women identify as bisexual specifically. If you are masochistic enough to pore through all the coverage on the report — and especially if you’re enough of a glutton for punishment that you go check out what right wing rags like Breitbart and NRO have to say about it — you will find yourself staring into an abyss of takes that insist that it’s not the Gen Z is simply more aware of its queerness, or less afraid of facing social opprobium for being open queer, but instead that Gen Z has keyed into a cheat code whereby lying about being queer (and, apparently, lying about being queer to Gallup pollsters specifically) is the expressway to Cool City.

This is well trod territory; if you’re a bisexual who hasn’t been accused of lying about your identity for social gain, you may not actually be openly bi. (That, or you only know cool people and I am jealous of you.)

But here’s my question: if lying about being bisexual is some automatic ticket into the upper echelons of the social pyramid, then why aren’t more young women doing it?

Like, seriously: if bisexual identity were that desirable; if it were that fucking easy to get cool cred, wouldn’t we expect to see more like 50, 60, hell, 70% of women doing it? Or more?

Because, look. Wearing makeup has an obvious social benefit. It accrues a lot of benefits for women. It is also way harder to do than lie about being bi: you have to spend money! You have to develop the skill of putting on make up! It’s a commitment.

Way more women regularly wear makeup than identify as bisexual.

So I have to ask: are some 70% of women just super cool being seen as losers? Are they more willing to go through the absolute hassle of buying and putting on makeup than just telling a little white lie about being bisexual — a lie that, truly, no one can ever prove is a lie given that the truth of one’s sexual identity resides only in one’s personal desires?

Or maybe — just maybe — is there actually almost zero social benefit to publicly identifying as bisexual, such that pretty much anyone who does it is actually bisexual and not making shit up for cool points?